Monday, June 13, 2005

Day 24 - Chose Zorrow! the man with the mask

Pain: before drugs 8, after new drugs prescribed tonight 4
Smoothies: Nil
Hugs from owners of health food shops One (Bran Tub, St Leonard’s, highly recommend, hugs are top notch as well)
Hugs from City and County Councillors Two
Fat girls about 13 who apart from weight looked healthy, but waiting for mother who worked behind counter refused to give up seat in chemist to man who and major surgery and cancer One

It is sort of surreal moment. I am sat in my kitchen watching last weekends British Lions match and I know the result! My PA in London who has just left to go live in Edinburgh was from New Zealand; Bevan was one of the nicest lads I have ever met. I have set myself the aim of being in NZ for the end of the year. I spend far too long researching and not travelling, adding in my first trip to India on the way to Kiwi land. You realise that there are no ground-based mammals in NZ except the Kiwi. Life is all about exploration, and it is not until you face illness that it brings it home pointless having cash in the bank spend it! Anyone want to join me?

Oh the news is on, Michael Jackson not guilty on ALL charges! Ok how did they work that one out?

Today saw the fitting of my mask, the plastic mask which will be used to pin me down to the table and ensure that the beams go to the right place. The whole process involved contortion of my neck and body which saw pain rise to gale force 10 and a wrestling match which was last seen at the start of a Matalan sale. It was a sort of catch weight contest 2 small petite women hauling me around a table as I was unable to move through and pain or fear. In some respects every straight blokes dream! At the end of the process there was much huffing and puffing and not a single penny changed hands what a result.

The mask making is much like papermaching at school, but without the silly and useless aprons. The process involves slapping lashings of minty flavoured hot plaster on your face, not by me of course, including over your closed eyes. The plaster excludes your mouth and nose and then hot bandages are applied very similar to the ones you get at the end of a cheap curry in the Light of Dawlish or the Golden Temple. Then in less than three minutes the whole things peels off your face and one of the people who ten minutes earlier were grappling and groping you, switch roles and gently bath your skin with warm water mopping your plaster clad brow.

The plastic mask is ready in just one hour but the torture or pleasure depending on your liking for S&M and bondgae is not finished. You have to be held down, so that a black and decker drill is used and hot glue to attach vertical attachments which will provide the base to secure you down. As you lie there with the new plastic mask on face, you can hear sizzling of plastic glue and smell the aroma which reminds you of affix glue when you were a child. The finish article has 4 screws which will be used to pin you down during the dreaded rays.

I must get a picture and show you tomorrow as I have another appointment this time for a scan, then another on Wednesday, perhaps I should take Lizzie and camp in the car park.

Lunchtime was fun, (look in my life trips to St Leonards are fun) a visit to St Leonard’s and hug from Phil Brock a macho, Lib Dem City and Councillor (That is an oxymoron) I think who was genuinely pleased to see me. This hug was amazing it was spontaneous and meant. The first time in my life I felt that someone who was not a family member, friend or lover genuinely cared for me and I can ensure you the wow factor existed all day.

The wow factor continued until after lunch, Kevin and I had lunch well a toasted sarnie in downtown St Leonard’s when today’s medical question got onto T cells. Kevin is a great mate, an awesome bloke who i hold in the hihest regard and a font of all my medical questions. Well he does have the medical degree against my E grade GCE in biology. I had read that during Chemo and Radiation your T cells can reduce and get to a level where the slightest illness can reduce your chances to fight off infection and you get very ill, if cancer, neck dissections and removed tonsils and teeth were not enough shit to contend with. Kevin ever the professional gave me suitable advice on all matters medical including safe sex! I told him I preferred a hot meal these days as the chances of catching anything remotely dodgy from that avenue of pleasure meant that I had more chances of becoming Pope than getting the opportunity of putting his advice to good use!

Oh look there is smoke! Good night I am off to put on my habit!

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