Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Day 79 - Getting back to reality

I arrived back late last night. My hand was forced to leave hospital yesterday when I went for a mid afternoon snooze only to see the man with the “telescopic hair spray” sitting in bed opposite me. You can imagine my fright, was he going to reach for his soap bag, or was he in fact the grim reaper and a spray of his magic hair spray whips you away down under!

The feeding process went well last night apart from the frightening prospect of the tubes from my feeding machine and syringe driver trapped around my neck. Something I need to be careful off, after all come all this way just to strangle myself in the process!

My dreams are very vivid at the moment. There were two different dreams yesterday, which without the chance of having a pen around I have struggled to remember, however they all include an element of “letting off steam” and using my cancer as a positive to get things done. Both dreams were about expressing myself and how I truly feel about having cancer. I remember both dreams had me in public perspective and both involved me speaking or campaigning for causes I can recall the people that were there and those around me were those I felt comfortable with.

With the cancer treatment coming to an end it is clear that my mind is body and acutely aware that the end is nigh. There will be after treatment pain. But then it will be all about recovery. I am not quite sure what to expect after this massive medical, physical and emotional support the mechanism will withdraw and lead my life back to slow normality whatever that will be.

Well I have been up since 9am, all fed for the day, just waiting for my lift to the Hospital and things are good, just 7 more sessions to go!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...

I found your diary while searching for Ferry data. I hope you will get better soon. I do have a question ... What is a 'co-father'? I'm not English / British and wonder if this means 'adopted father' I have 2 adopted sons and they are wonderful.