Monday, September 05, 2005

Day 16/17/18 Reality

I had have a huge dose of reality in the last 48 hours, mainly I am getting better depsite a nagging little cold and secondly that in the next few weeks my life will continued as before if not stronger mentally and wiser.

For the last 24 hours I have had my son stay William, it was the dose of reality I needed to say hey Mister your alive, your not going to die, your going to be back on your feet pretty soon. On a personal level although feeling a little drained and tired,(nights are still a bind as the mouth and throat conspire to fuck each other up and leave me the victim grappling around for some comfort, daytimes are fine.

I had the syringe driver out this morning the last of the morphine and anti sickness, it has been more of an emotional crutch but boy bathtime and showertime will be so special.

Like my children who last night lying on my bed relaxed fro the 1st time in weeks with Will in the house how lucky I am, how lucky to have a great job, great future, great friends, great kids and a body which has fended off everything that has been thrown at it this summer. I want the tube gone but know I need to get everything right before I take the step of having it taken back out. It is a pain but also has been a life saver for me and Thursday this week will be D Day for the tube!

I wish I could sleep more during the night but realise 33 sessions of RT plus the neck operation have asked some pretty serious questions of that it will soon all fall into place as long as I relax, chill and smile :)


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