Sunday, May 22, 2005

Time for bed

Day 2 and a funny kind of day, read about the only woman in the World with breast cancer, (Ok it was cynical but a whole load of us found out bad news last week) and baked, yes baked! In my funny day there were very few jokes but one which had extremes of pain, anxiousness and joy seeing William, Ellen and of course Sarah.

At about lunchtime the tonsil pain and tiredness kicked in and I sent for my bed, alas my new found passion of baking home bread meant that sleep was delayed whilst bread rolls were made. I have often always wanted to sleep during the day but life conditioning ensures we do not. We should sleep when we can!

I am having to endure three painful experiences, a full house of trauma

1. The painful removal of a tonsil, yes just one more pain to come!
2. The news of a tumour and cancer
3. The waiting to see further results tomorrow and of course when the surgery starts

Talking of conditioning I am finding hard to accpet peoples kindness is that a British thing, when people are just so nice?

In my post yesterday I forgot to mention the feeling of being out in the big wide World with cancer and having a feeling of helplessness. I went out on Saturday morning and felt helpless, I had the feeling that I should be approaching people like my mother use to approach strangers and saying "I have cancer you know" A sort of feeling that the World continues and you live in a big bubble like the prisoner. The World carries on around you, but you can see people thinking why is that man staring into space, why is he drinking iced water, why is not with us here. I have often forgot that when we meet people that many things are happening to them or has happened and we only survive in our cocoon not really knowing the tragedies, heartache and trauma and others maybe suffering. Two days in, a feeling I am getting to know so well.

I would like to thank Oprah for the galaxy tonight it would of been very rude of me not to have eaten it, please feel free to call againwith large bars of chocolate!

Keep attacking!


PS: Question for everyone, ideas please, what do I do when I have a black day and the whole World seems awful? Suggestions please.

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