15 years ago today my life changed. In some respect, it changed for the better, in some it did not. The clear positives are that I am alive and recently returned from Australia, if not sooner than I would have liked, my objectives for my children to reach adulthood and no return of cancer has been achieved.
The downsides are clearly mental trauma, that lingers with cancer or any serious illness treatment, the muscle and body damage that are side effects of surgery and the slow decay of your teeth caused by lack of salvia.
The phalanx of "celebratory" messages are often unwelcome. You write and talk because it is a release from mental and physical trauma. You share not because you want to celebrate, but because you want to forget and move on. I hate May. The 19th and the 26th will be etched in my memory forever. The day my life changed and no matter how good, no matter how positive surviving 15 years there is still guilt. I remember Yeo ward as if it was yesterday, I remember friends I made, who the next day were surrounded by their loved ones saying goodbye.
My good and dear friend Martin Lynn who after many treatments to suppress his cancer died recently. I miss him. To have someone so close and understanding the journey you have been on no longer in your life is painful, he understood my guilt, he sat listening and nodded, that was the only recognition I needed.
So in recognition of my 15 years, I will write to all those friends and people who played a significant part in my treatment and the last 15 years, a team of people to keep me alive. Doctors, Nurses, Family, Children, Friends and Work colleagues. Without them I would not be here.
#keepattacking
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