Covid, Cancer, it makes no difference when it is your Sister.

Pat with my children who are now 19 & 22

My dear sister Patricia (Pat) passed away in the early hours of this morning (29.12.2020) unable to ward off the challenge of a chest infection and  COVID19.  Pat passed away in the Royal Devon & Exeter Hospital and was in the safe and professional hands of the staff of Culm Ward.  (Pat was able to use social media up until her time in Culm, warning people of the risks of Covid until she could no longer)

Pat was admitted on Christmas Eve. I was working in the Emergency Department when Pat was admitted by ambulance to the department.  I knew that name on the screen, burst into tears, the nurse in charge leading me by the hand to get into full PPE so that I could share her final journey. I got to hold her hand, talk to her and support her whilst in ED before she made her final journey to intensive care and then to Culm.  The whole experience very surreal knowing from my experience of Covid patients that have her acute breathing difficulties, her co-morbidities and her age (18 years older than me) meant that it would be unlikely she would see or speak to me again.  

Pat will be known to many of you through this blog as my sister who supported me through my own cancer journey in 2005 and co-wrote many of these articles.  Pat was not everyone's cup of tea, not mine sometimes, but she had a kind heart, this blog and her charity work through Exeter & Exmouth Carnivals testament to her helping of others. 

The transmission of the virus into Pat's shielding home was brought in by an unsuspecting "bubble" family member, who subsequently tested positive.  Whilst some may scoff at Matt Hancock's statement "don't kill your granny" ...alas in Pat's case it was true.   Her last words to me were "Nigel, I have been so safe, so careful" a reference to her and her husband's shielding.  

Pat is survived by her husband Ron, Son Mark, Grand & Great Children.

I have seen how Covid19 affects many patients.  It has no mercy.  I will, I am sure to see many more in the months to come.  When it is your own flesh and blood right in front of you, hooked up to machines and a nurse and doctor in full PPE it brings home the reality that every person needs to know, it kills and has no mercy. 

 

Hello my name is Nigel!

As I wrote before I have returned to the #RD&E Hospital as a #Healthcare Assistant.   Last week I worked a full 12 hour night shift in the Emergency Department, where my feet did not touch the ground for 23000 steps then on Saturday I had a very surreal day on a ward that I have a lot of respect for.

As readers maybe aware my radical neck dissection took place in the RD&E, I spent my recovery in Otter Ward.

On Saturday I returned to the place and the very bed bays where I was told I had cancer and then a week later had my life changed.

The surreal nature of the ward staff asking "have you worked here before" and replying no, "but as a patient I know it like the back of my hand"


To be looking after patients in the bays I recovered in was surreal and an honour.  I was not sure how I would mentally deal with the event, but as we were very busy and had lots to do, time flew and I closed a mental challenge and booked my next shift on Otter when I got home.

Keep attacking

NHS, time to reflect, what have they ever done for us?

I left the Hospital last evening after a long shift.  I was greeted by this beautiful rainbow in the car park which made a perfect picture capture.

For 8 hours I was on my feet, an unusual experience for someone who at 56 considered himself very fit.  I went home and like so many of the patients I cared for that day and all I wanted to do is crawl into bed.  I was lucky I was only on shift for 8 hours, many of my colleagues were there for 12.  You are always on shift, always aware to patients needs and support, always busy.

You have to be in front line nursing to understand how physically and mentally tough it actually is. I left the hospital last night mentally rewarded that I had supported our patients, but physically and mentally exhausted.  The effects lingering today.   I am not going to bang on about nurses pay, but frankly many of you would be appalled by how little nursing staff are actually paid!

Sunday marks the 72nd birthday of the #NHS.  This year the power of our National Health Service in coping under tremendous pressure has been evident. In 72 years I have reflected what the NHS has done for me.

• It brought my children into this life, safely and securely, coincidently in the same room, in the same hospital as me and will support them in their lives.
• It cared for my grandparents, parents and supported them at the end of lives with dignity and respect.
• They gave me a new lease of life in 2005 in my cancer treatment and support. 
• They watch over my family day in day out, there 24/7, ready to serve and support physically and mentally. no need to take my cheque book or credit card. 
• It has provided opportunities to pay and employ me and my family on numerous times. 

So feel free to clap on Sunday, use my picture on social media, whatever you do just be thankful we no longer have to "pay for the Doctor" 

#Keepattacking

15 years to the day I return to the Hospital, this time as an employee.

15 years ago today marks the day that changed my life. My radical neck dissection started at the RD&E Hospital started my recovery from cancer. 
It was time to give something back and after one month I am glad I did. 
#Keepattacking 

15 years later I am giving something back.  I today started my new role as a part-time Health Care Assistant (I will do 1 or 2 days a week) at the very hospital in which my surgery was performed.....fate, coincidence or part of life's script who knows? but the treatment clearly worked.

#keepattacking

When being chased by an imaginary lion, do not stop to ask its name.

15 years ago today my life changed.  In some respect, it changed for the better, in some it did not.  The clear positives are that I am alive and recently returned from Australia, if not sooner than I would have liked, my objectives for my children to reach adulthood and no return of cancer has been achieved. 

The downsides are clearly mental trauma, that lingers with cancer or any serious illness treatment, the muscle and body damage that are side effects of surgery and the slow decay of your teeth caused by lack of salvia. 

The phalanx of "celebratory" messages are often unwelcome.  You write and talk because it is a release from mental and physical trauma.  You share not because you want to celebrate, but because you want to forget and move on.  I hate May.  The 19th and the 26th will be etched in my memory forever.  The day my life changed and no matter how good, no matter how positive surviving 15 years there is still guilt.  I remember Yeo ward as if it was yesterday, I remember friends I made, who the next day were surrounded by their loved ones saying goodbye. 

My good and dear friend Martin Lynn who after many treatments to suppress his cancer died recently.  I miss him.  To have someone so close and understanding the journey you have been on no longer in your life is painful, he understood my guilt, he sat listening and nodded, that was the only recognition I needed.

So in recognition of my 15 years, I will write to all those friends and people who played a significant part in my treatment and the last 15 years, a team of people to keep me alive.  Doctors, Nurses, Family, Children, Friends and Work colleagues.  Without them I would not be here.  

#keepattacking