Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Day 28 - Reflections

Its day 28, one month ago radiotherapy finished, the induction of pain ended and recovery began.

I remember that last session, I was in hospital feeling pain, finding it difficult to eat, sleep, and drink, talking was hard and my body had been through hell. My mind was confused, would the pain all stop tomorrow because of the therapy was over alas no came the soothing responses of empathtic nurses looking into my eyes. I was attached to a syringe driver, a nasal tube and pain was high until the morphine cut and stopped the pain taking over my weakened body. I looked ill, people could tell then man had cancer and was unwell. My body was frail and the weeks of inactivity had made me weak. I had nasal drip and it made me cough up blood everynight and my mouth was full of mucus and a thick horrid phlegm. My bed clothes would show tale tell signs of large patches of fluid dribble through the night as my mouth dried out.

The skin where I had radiotheraphy burns was purple, and the skin has worn away, I was left with patches of raw skin which dressing would stick too and sympathetic nurses would change my dressings everyday.

One month on, I am sleeping, at least 6/7 hours passes my body each night. I can eat, soft foods only, but back in control of my own destiny in the kitchen. The only pain I face is through talking because of a radiation mouth sore which is going. The tubes and syringe driver are gone as is the morphine. The look in my face is of being content and my eyes no longer have that zombie look. My body is beginning to find a definition and walking is now becoming easier as distance increases. The nasal drip that would create so many problems is gone. I can swallow without bringing drinks back up and the saliva in my mouth is returning and the night dribble has gone. The morphine has gone and so as the anti sickness medication. I feel stronger everyday and able to lift, walk, laugh and yawn without feeling guilty, weak or in pain. The mucus has gone replaced by saliva. I no longer count off days and look forward to return to normality because I know I am on my way already.

My skin has healed and now I have a gentle pink halo when once broken purple skin exisited.

I know I am not fully over the side effects of chemo or radiotherapy but what I do know is that I am 100% better than I was this time last month, and this time next month will 100% further on. The mouth sores which are a side effect give me constant pain and trouble my eating and general well being including talking!

On the 26th September 2005 is my next big day, the joint head and neck clinic where I find out just how well the treatment has gone, its a day I am looking forward to as I know I have made progress and I know the treatment has worked!

Have a great day

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