Still in shock

I am in shock this morning. I walked into my office ready for a days work and to be honest cried my eyes out. An unsual reaction for a 45 year old bloke in his 4th year of remission with cancer but one when I explain the reason you will understand.

When I get here in my life and mind I start to play my favourite song, Yellow by Coldplay. Orpah recorded it for me when I was ill and in those dark days despite it being sunny and warm of 2005 it gave me faith that I was wanted and needed by my friends and family. Orpah then had a beautiful baby called Emily, Emily was not well as a little baby but now is as beautiful as a toddling toddler she has now adopted yellow.

I met my brother last evening Dave who told me that my mum has suspected cancer. For those who do not know my mother she is 81 and lives in a residential home in Exmouth. Mum has lewins dementia for those who do not know about lewins I will not bore you with it now but it is a terrible illness. Mum is not well, even more so now it is suspected that my mum has the illness that I had. The worry for mum is that because of her illness and age treatment will be difficult. The treatment is a long game and the medical people are just not sure she is it up to it. If not then I will ensure she gets all the help she can and pain relief if we get to that stage.

I ahd just finished reading Alan Bennett's Diaries about his experience with his mother with Lewins. It brought home the shocking truth of an illness which is just put down as old age.

I have my last 4 year check up on Monday, my last before my 5 year check up. It has rocked me back and slapped me in the face to say cancer is still here and around me. Last year it was my nephew Mark and now my mum.

Look at the stars, Look how they shine for you, and everything you do, Yeah they were all Yellow.

Keep attacking!