Thursday, July 14, 2005

Day 55 - The Lord Mayor's escort

Small things please me these days in particular my call to Civic duty. I have at last met my life ambition to mix with the true leaders of our Country. I am to be the Deputy Lord Mayor of Exeter companion, do not laugh but the real title is "escort" well I have to do something when this is all over! Yes I can hear you say he is making this one up. Well folks I am polishing my shoes, getting my hair permed because I am in the Rolls.

I had the call yesterday from councilor Stella Brock, married to councilor Philip Brock, he of last Lib Dem County councilor to openly hug me in his health food shop in St Leonards. Now those who are aware I tend to be well suited to these occasions, mainly due to my good looks, bags of charm and past employment, in fact still have my station managers bowler hat from days when we had to escort minor Royals from railway stations when they were due to visit local cheese factories or bull sperm banks. Stella is currently Deputy Lord Mayor of Exeter and both her and Phil have been very supportive friends. Phil as well as running his shop is also on every committee in Devon and in charge of all DCC footpaths, zzzzzzzz, the leader of the council must really like him. Stella had an engagement which Phil was unable to make and as a result requested the services of "Goodie escorts"

Now there is one down side, the mayoral car is not longer a Rolls but a stretched Rover 75, with an extremely fussy driver(see yesterdays post) well I can do Rover!
Now the task or gig I have been engaged on is not an onerous one, but in fact quite a pleasant one, attending the lunch of the Wonford pensioners who are celebrating the 60th anniversary of the end of the 2nd World War, as we know from earlier posting a cause very close to my heart.

I was absolutely stunned when she asked me, in fact stopped the car and smiled because a small thing meant an awful lot to me, for the first time in my life I felt wanted, and at the moment small things are proving massive boosts. I absolutely love the City of Exeter, it has so much history and importance to me and my life and to be part of its history, even for a tiny moment will mean so much. Lets hope the punters do not ask for extras! With my tummy they might get more than bargained for!

Apart from polishing shoes and shining medals yesterday was quite a bland day, as noted it is the danger period and avoiding people is something I would certainly win a Gold medal in at the Olympics, in fact I could the next Steve Redgrave, or even Vanessa Redgrave if the mayoral thing goes ok :) I went shopping and bought a new TV and DVD player for my office and cat repellent!

I can hear the cogs working in your brain as I speak, yes cat repellent. I have a few issues, well in fact loads of issues with a "tom cat" who keeps on weeing on my door. Now I have someone I know who is related to my children who used to kidnap cats that "crapped" in his garden and take them for a drive, about 20 miles drive and leave the door open then drive off. Now he will remain nameless but I thought that extreme, well mainly because it is a waste of diesel, and the cat may try and make up during its journey to its new home, or alternatively just piss on you to get his own back on you.

I tried all methods, talking to the cat, talking to its owner who looks at your blankly and thinks "his he speaking Polish" I tried disinfectant and bleach, on the area not the cat, and even thought of Orpahs, (her of Ms Kenton 1999 retired fame) idea to sit there all night with water pistols! Now having just thought about that one I would suggest that may come in useful when I want to be sectioned under the Mental Health Act.

I thought of the Starcross Cat hounds, but then realised organic cat pee is the answer. I visited Exeter's answer to pet retail therapy "Pets at Home" and after some deliberation with an enthused young lady who was too busy texting her boyfriend to display any interest in my feline search and destroy mission. I returned to the cash desk, now "pets at homes" has a cash machine within its walls, commonly known as a vets practice. As I was standing to pay I heard a beaming vet say to a semi retired Rover 75 types, "Well we have some new products which all the staff are really excited about" Now forgive me but if you are educated as most vets tend to me these days, attractive and good with furry animals there must be something more exciting in your life than the new products for Bonzo's worms! It is worst now but I always needed the last word! I chipped in and said the Rover 75 couple: "What she really means is that they are excited about the larger profit margin she can now make"

They nodded saying something like " Was he Polish" and I left the store in search of cats!

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