Day 69 - Full of good advice

Ok I do not really want to die, but the treatment makes you feel that you want to die. I have been reading Bob Champion book the Grand National winning jockey and in his book he was convinced they were trying to kill him with chemotherapy. I am sure chemotherapy and radiotherapy are oxymorons, where is the therapy?

I awoke yesterday I was so weak I could hardly, I had two great pieces of advise the day before one from Jan take your painkillers not when you need them but when you are told to take them and from Miss Powderham 2001(still retired unless she can win), Orpah telling me to use everyone on your help list over the next few days and boy I need all the help I can get. It was clear that my muscle tone has gone, I look like an old man, I know that will come back once I start exercising, I have lost over 2 stones, I had not eaten in three days and felt very sick. The hearing is my left ear is going, a temporary side effect I was warned about, lets hope its temporary. There was a point on Wednesday when I did question going through the last stage of the chemotherapy but as it just one more session to go I will be brave dig in and get it completed and sit back and smile its all over.

I went to the hospital yesterday for my RT and nearly collasped with low blood sugar, I was sat in the RT section and my eyes welled up with fuzz and bits of furry flying around inside my eyelids. It was clear that I had low blood sugar, I nearly collasped, I was in need of sugar help came in the way of the WRVS coffee bar, hot water and 6 sugars in each cup of hot water. This made me feel better but gave me a warning lucozade and dextrose. I had made the decision not to eat until Friday, this was as a result of the last chemo session. I was in danger of not getting away with it and fairly scary. I got very stroppy with the RT who did not seem to understand the process of chemo and insisting I saw the dietician, she was the last person I needed to see it was a straight forward low blood sugar level, it takes me three days to start eating after chemo, so get real I said to them. In fact I think I told them I was happy doing what I am doing, but did not say "after all its you who is trying to kill me" It seemed they did not understand me. Understand that I had developed a coping strategy to deal with this and with just 14 days of RT rays left I was not prepared to change the strategy just yet.

I saw Dr Sherriff who is a lovely caring Doctor, early 30s but amazing manner. We had a long discussion, estasblished my mouth was full of thrush, my weight was fine, lowest I have been since the mid 90s as all my muscle tone has gone, and agreed as long as I was drinking during and chemo he understood the reason why I could not eat. I left in better health than I arrived!

I forgot to tell you about more good advice, that included a nurse during chemo saying "you must get out more" of course love, the first three days after chemo you feel like death, the weekend you are recovering from radiotherapy, then the after chemo your white blood cells are at their lowest and you are advised to avoid everyone and anyone just in case you catch the "black death" at least it sounds quicker that murder by chemo. I did think about returning one of my one liners but as she was injecting something nasty into me, thought twice about being witty.

My sister had the best advice of yesterday champers! Her friend advised that her husband swigged champers after chemo to stop being sick, sounds good to me so get some small bottles of course to give me the taste back :) I love champers!

Things are looking up tonight and life feels better. I do feel feeble but I am not giving up on this, not far to go, not long to go before I get my life back.

As Bob Champion said "The worst should be over. I'm counting the days to the end of the treatment. They've done their best to kill me but they won't succeed now. I almost there"

Keep attacking !