Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Day 60 - More bland and a bit of pain

My throat hurts! I woke up with the mother of all migraines, it was like the troop of the household cavalry had ran over my head and not content came back for seconds. My throat was sore, dry and I started crying realising that my days of normality and control in my life were over. I realised that the ability to speak and be understood is now hard and that swallowing is virtually impossible, even liquids are through a straw.

I found some very strong painkillers I had left over from surgery and they have done the trick. I have an appointment on Thursday to attend the weekly clinic and it is time for the morphine to see me through the next 4 weeks.

In yesterday's post I slagged off the male race, well there are two people who instantly step away from the "macho" my scar is bigger than yours, or I needed PEG feeding before you brigade. They are my brother in law Ron, I called him yesterday to give me a lift into the hospital and he obliged without question like he has done virtually everyday of my treatment and my dear friend Steve Lawry, now in our 30th year.

The trip to radiotherapy combined with a discussion with the dietician, and we worked out that this week I have been only able to get in about 1000 calories a day. I have arrested the weightloss, but we both knew that next week that will reverse as chemo takes it toll. I was sent to Tescos with a shopping list which must admit resembled celebrity fat club Christmas party hamper, full fat milk, double cream, chocolate this and that! Well it is the 1st time in my life I can eat what I want and advised "eat boy eat" and I do not feel like it.

So Im off to look at my bulging fridge, then close the door and get the soup out, one day soon I will taste food again!


mazzagee said...

How exciting looking in the fridge. That must be the highlight of the day at the moment. Buying all those calories must be another one. Just think of the pig-out you will be having soon. In fact I would prescribe a darn good party with all the calories you can muster for the end of the treatment when you will be able to eat whatever you like. Now there's a thought. I would be inclined to start organising it now. Who will you invite? What music will you have? Ask your audience for suggestions, he he. I am sure the answers will cheer you up as everyone likes a party and non more than those who do not have to pay for it. Why not have a bouncy castle for the children and jelly and ice cream just in case you find that eating is still a bit of a burden, (or you can use that excuse to eat the kids grub). I can't imagine that you wouldn't enjoy it. You could invite all those blokes who stink and make sure that they do the washing up afterwards. Maybe then they won't feel so macho.

marta said...

Hi my darling, Tough times eh. I read your blogspot each day, so i can keep up with everthing, and see how your doing. Your being so brave and i am so proud of you. Sharing your thoughts, heartaches and funnys with us all, i am sure makes us all feel humble and we question ourselves how we would cope if we were in this position. Your opening yourself up to everyone, which, is in itself a brave thing to do. I salute your openess and your bravery.
My man of the year. x

marta said...

Hey if theres a party going on, dont forget to invite me!! Lots of ice cream and jelly, and bagsy me on the bouncy castle first! move over kids here i come! Why dont you try melting the choc and sucking it off your fingers....party game?!!! And also try choc delight, made with your full milk. x