Day 68 - I want to die

I know that is a horrid title but it is the way I feel.

I woke up about 8am in pain in my mouth and throat. I have to use salty water mouth washes now becuase the oral ons I have been using burn my mouth and throat just like someone has put a flame to the roof of my mouth. When I mouth washed this morning a huge flap of the top of my mouth came off.

My mouth was very dry as I could not breath through my nose and my mouth, however sore had become the only source of air. I had a glimpse of the sickenss this morning but got all the painkillers I could inside me and went back to bed.

I do not care what anyone says but there is no way you can eat after cisplatin, teh smell of the open fridge made me wretch, and of course wretching with your thraot and mouth as it is can be described as hell.

I stayed in bed until Ron came to take me to RT, I got up at 1pm and had a strawberry build up drink which I knew would reappear.

It did the minute Ron dropped me off I opened the front door smelt the kitchen and threw up all over the front drive, in front of my neighbour and the street. I just could not get in the front door without being ill.

Well I knew it would be like this but at least that the 1st session afew more to come and yes milk drinks are definately out. Why is it your feel better after being sick? However, I know its short lived and I await the next session with dread.